Summary
Trixter's being too gentle with this title.
The Good
This game does the miracle, it turns feces into gold; Cybergenic Ranger makes *all* other bad games shine.
The Bad
It's hard to say anything meaningful about this title, because I rather feel like beating the keyboard with my fist, shouting in rage and throwing the computer through the window. But, I got to start somewhere. Firstly, without a manual, it's impossible to figure out *what* one is supposed to do, and *why* is it even mandatory, because the screens which are supposed to explain the story and give the game some depth are complete nonsense.
Actually, the nonsense starts already in the main menu. There's this bad quality digitized clip looping endlessly, and it *only* reacts to keypresses in between the loops. And when one makes the mistake and presses F1 to start the game, he gets a crude wormhole and badly made Star Trek-ripoff animation, and enters a space ship where there are endless hordes of floating corpses that *explode* when they hit the player.
Most players will assume that like in other games, the player is supposed to dodge or shoot the corpses. Neither of those are useful due to the donkey dick feature Trixter described in his own review... One can't dodge down as the player doesn't stay down but dodges again and again... hitting the corpses. Shooting works, but then you can't run, and besides, you can't shoot those corpses that hit you from above without jumping... And even if you clear some room there, new corpses appear so fast that it's totally useless.
Every single time you hit a corpse and it explodes, the game plays an incredibly mushy sound, and as in the main menu, the game will also pause when it's playing the sound. And as you're bound to hit the corpses every 2 seconds, it gets mighty annoying. When the corpses explode, a silver or golden... pod (looks like a cucumber or a dildo) appears and randomly you restore some of the energy you lose while hitting the corpses. So, the ultimate solution for the first level is simply press right and keep it down. There's no challenge, there's no innovation and there's no feeling whatsoever.
I will not continue ranting about the second level where one has to jump on platforms which disappear and appear randomly and watch out for killer crabs that say "SCHSCHSH" and teleport outside the game area and get stuck in mid air. If you're a masochist (like myself), you can experience the frustration, despair, rage and whole rainbow of homicidal feelings towards the game developers by playing that far.
The Bottom Line
This is so far the most amateurish, badly written, buggy, ugly and repulsive game I have ever played. Playing this feels like someone is making paper cuts to your eyeballs. There is simply nothing enjoyable, fun or entertaining in this game. It's a prime example of what games should *not* be like and I truly feel sorry for anyone that got suckered to buying this product when it came out.
