User review spotlight: Carmageddon (DOS). Released in 1997.

Duke Caribbean: Life's A Beach (DOS)

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Mature
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MobyRank
100 point score based on reviews from various critics.
3.5
MobyScore
5 point score based on user ratings.
Written by  :  Dave Billing (24)
Written on  :  May 16, 2013
Rating  :  1.25 Stars1.25 Stars1.25 Stars1.25 Stars1.25 Stars

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Summary

Another vile, mediocre piece of fraud by Sunstorm

The Good

The pig cops with the Hawaiian shirts admittedly looked kind of cool Some of the secrets were also rather clever as well. But that's where the nice commentary stops, certainly from me, at least.

The Bad

The fact that it was made by Sunstorm Interactive. The only talented individual to have come out of that joint was Charlie Wiederhold, who went on to work on Duke Nukem Forever. Sadly, as we all know that particular game was a bomb, although Charlie doesn't deserve any blame for DNF's abundant issues.

Anti Sunstorm diatribe aside, What were the things that I didn't like about the game? Well, most of it, really. In particular the graphics. Some of the additional artwork looks like it was created in Photoshop by somebody who looks like they had potential as a professional game artist, but were a few functions and operations short of earning that title. It didn't quite fit in with the artwork that the base game came with.

The texturing is frankly awful. Now, Duke Nukem 3D itself is not known for it's A+ grade texturing, but this is truly awful. I've seen user maps made by first time amateurs that look better than this, and that really is saying something. Concrete slabs for walls? It was bad enough the original used them for ceiling tiles, but any designer who uses tiles that clearly resemble concrete paving slabs for walls has all the talent of doggy doo.

Most of the new weapons are frankly stupid as well. Water pistols? Sure, they help establish the theme of the game, but in reality, water pistols make noises when you squirt them. These ones don't. This is further evidence that the designers at Sunstorm (aside from Mr. Wiederhold, of course) only put 25 percent of effort into the quality control of this game. Coconut grenades? Stupid idea. Ten year olds are inherently better at delivering newspapers than they are developing computer games, especially games peppered with soft-core porn and adult humor.

Aesthetics aside, general level design is such that I would highly recommend this game for those who cannot get to sleep. Go to bed, visualize yourself playing the game, and you'll be out cold in no time. It is that tepid and dull. The architecture is bland and inaccurate, the shading and lighting is horrible, and in all honesty, the only reason you would want to play this game is so that you can claim that you did.

The Bottom Line

Don't waste your money on it. Heck, if it was free, I would still advise against getting it. It is not worthy of being called a commercial product, and it isn't even worth pirating. To sum things up in a nutshell - avoid it like you'd avoid incest. Seriously.