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National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 (DOS)

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 Screenshots

DOS version

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 DOS Intro: everything looks in order here...

Intro: everything looks in order here...

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 DOS Intro:huh? What? Is my computer dying?

Intro:huh? What? Is my computer dying?

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 DOS Building the video files takes forever during installation, but they do try to keep you amused as the hamsters run in their wheels...

Building the video files takes forever during installation, but they do try to keep you amused as the hamsters run in their wheels...

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 DOS Intro: Well, that explains things.

Intro: Well, that explains things.

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 DOS Title screen

Title screen

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 DOS Options, copy protection

Options, copy protection

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 DOS Mode selection

Mode selection

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 DOS Yup, looks like chess to me.

Yup, looks like chess to me.

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 DOS Helpfully shading out possible paths for the selected piece.

Helpfully shading out possible paths for the selected piece.

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 DOS Check!

Check!

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 DOS Look carefully, and you'll see that the bored little pawn in the top right is yawning.

Look carefully, and you'll see that the bored little pawn in the top right is yawning.

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 DOS And then, for no apparent reason, the backdrop switches over to a laundromat... complete with the bothersome noise of whirring dryers!

And then, for no apparent reason, the backdrop switches over to a laundromat... complete with the bothersome noise of whirring dryers!

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 DOS Surely a chess engine with stronger AI would not let me get so far.

Surely a chess engine with stronger AI would not let me get so far.

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 DOS Upon game completion you are rewarded with the object of your desire.  Uhh... remember that options screen at the beginning?

Upon game completion you are rewarded with the object of your desire. Uhh... remember that options screen at the beginning?

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 DOS Checkmate!

Checkmate!

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 DOS Boss screen

Boss screen

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 DOS A staid 2D representation if all the gimmicks are too distracting. (Isn't that the point?)

A staid 2D representation if all the gimmicks are too distracting. (Isn't that the point?)

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 DOS Battle Chess-like finishing moves.  (So this explains "dancers" and "choreography" in the credits!)

Battle Chess-like finishing moves. (So this explains "dancers" and "choreography" in the credits!)

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 DOS And now... a ballerina will bug you.  Why?  Well... why not?

And now... a ballerina will bug you. Why? Well... why not?

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 DOS For distraction, I must confess, this works better.  (You can't hear the orgasmic moaning accompanying the jubbling mammaries.)

For distraction, I must confess, this works better. (You can't hear the orgasmic moaning accompanying the jubbling mammaries.)

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 DOS Ah, the subtle humour of the early '90s...

Ah, the subtle humour of the early '90s...

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 DOS That's quite the list of difficulty levels.  Hey, wait, what's that at the bottom?

That's quite the list of difficulty levels. Hey, wait, what's that at the bottom?

National Lampoon's Chess Maniac 5 Billion and 1 DOS Aw, shucks.  It was worth a shot!

Aw, shucks. It was worth a shot!