Star Control 3 (DOS)

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Written by  :  Vance (98)
Written on  :  Jul 10, 2000
Platform  :  DOS

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An exceprt from the SC3 staff meeting...

The Good

PROJECT HEAD: Okay, staff, let's really take this alliance building, diplomacy thing full tilt on this one. DESIGN STAFF: Sure.

The Bad

HEAD: How's the dialogue coming along? SCRIPTWRITER: Uh... well... um... I like Juicy Fruit? HEAD: Okay, let's rip it off straight from SC2, shall we? How's testing coming along. RESEARCH STAFF: We've got Bob the Janitor and our pet gerbil playing SC2 right now, sir. HEAD: And...? RESEARCH: Bob's getting upset because the gerbil keeps beating him at HyperMelee. HEAD: Right. Let's dumb down the artificial intelligence. Have the enemy fly in some random direction as soon as combat starts. Okay, what have we done to research the plot? RESEARCH: We watched the "Friends" marathon. HEAD: And? SCRIPTWRITER: I have a secret friend. HEAD: Sounds like that man's making progress. DESIGN: Yes, sir. He doesn't think he's a plank anymore. HEAD: Okay, about the plot. RESEARCH: Well, Bob the janitor is having trouble understanding what's going on in SC2, so we figured we'd make it a little less complex. HEAD: How much less complex? RESEARCH: About as simple as an episode of... well... HEAD: Let me guess, an episode of "Friends," right? RESEARCH: Could be, yes. SCRIPWRITER: Cheez-Wiz is the opiate of the masses. HEAD: Comission that man to write that Star Control novel we were talking about. RESEARCH: Ah, "Interbellum." HEAD: And make the Spathi sound like Woody Allen! DESIGN: We can make all the villains TOTALLY one-sided dorks! RESEARCH: Bob's eating his 3DO controller... HEAD: Take out all the planet exploration features! DESIGN: BACK TO MIDI MUSIC!!! HEAD: Create TWO WHOLE MINUTES of CG movies! RESEARCH: We can use random goobers as voice talent! SCRIPTWRITER: I have my own Tandy, you know.

The Bottom Line

GERBIL: This is gonna suck!