Splatterhouse

The Good
Splatterhouse is a game I discovered just a few years ago while watching an episode of the Happy Video Game Nerd. A great YouTube channel if you are looking for some old school hidden gems. I eventually found the game second hand and did not think twice about buying it. I have played the game once again for this Halloween season and while that time of the year is already well behind us, I decided to write this review to keep the Halloween spirit alive for just a bit longer!

Splatterhouse is a remake of the original 1988 arcade beat 'em up. That game was basically a Double Dragon clone with an emphasis on horror and gore. It received two sequels on the Sega Mega Drive and the series has gained a strong cult following ever since.

In the game, you play as Rick Taylor, a nerdy, regular joe who, despite his shyness and unattractive look, managed to hook up with the hottest girl in town! Sounds pretty familiar. All that changes when he and his girl Jenny get invited to the house of Dr. Henry West for a lecture. But instead of a boring archaeological presentation, their visit to West quickly becomes a living nightmare when Jenny gets kidnapped and Rick himself gets attacked and almost killed by West's "pets." Seconds before Rick decides to buy the farm, he hears voices seemingly coming from a hideous mask, telling him to wear it. Rick obliges, gets healed and transformed into a huge, Hulk like beast. Rick and the Terror Mask then set out to rescue Jenny and rip West and his minions a new one.

I do have to say that the story is much more fleshed out than you would expect from a game like this. As you progress to the game, you unlock chapters in the journal of Dr. West. Narrated by West himself, it gives a clear and disturbing view of the doctor's slow but definite descent into absolute madness. I am not going to spoil the story, but let me just say that Rick and West have much more in common than you might believe at first.

Gameplay-wise, Splatterhouse plays pretty much like a horror themed version of God of War or Devil May Cry. You go along a linear path, killing enemies and collecting currency (blood in this game's case) in order to buy upgrades or new moves. Splatterhouse's fighting system certainly works well. You have light and heavy attacks as well as grapples (again, very familiar). You can block, roll and you have a super meter that, when sufficiently filled up, transforms you into an even bigger monster with huge blades capable of cutting through enemies like a hot knife through butter. Wolverine would be jealous.

And it that was not yet God of War enough, you also have finishing moves. Beat down enemies hard enough and you can grab them for an awesomely bloody finish. Crushing heads, ripping off arms, you know the drill. My favorite finisher by far is ramming your fist through your enemy's ass and rip out his goddamn spine! Just press the right button at the right time and watch the blood flow.

As a throwback to the originals, some parts of the game are 2D side scrolling levels. These involve a lot more platform gameplay and little combat, but when you do get to fight, you often get a lead pipe or 2X4 to smear your enemies all over the wall or over your TV screen! In addition, the game frequently refers to events from the original games and they even included the series' signature Biggy Man boss. And if that was not enough tribute to the original series, you can unlock all three classic Splatterhouse games by just playing through the game. In all their original, 4:3, uncut glory!

But Splatterhouse's gameplay is not its biggest asset. Like Blood (the other game I reviewed for this Halloween season), Splatterhouse is B-movie style horror at its finest. The game's horror is so over the top that it leaves the domain of scary and becomes hilariously campy and cheesy. And the game is well aware of its silliness. The story is pretty lighthearted and it has a healthy dose of humor, particularly Jim Cummings as the voice of the Terror Mask is very entertaining (more on that in the next paragraph). Overall, the game's sole purpose is to entertain you with horror rather than to scare you with it.

Audio and music are great. The monsters sound pretty threatening and hearing flesh torn off from your enemies is highly satisfying. The game's soundtrack consists mostly of heavy metal styled music in addition to licensed tracks from bands like Mastodon, Five Finger Death Punch and Lamb of God. Being a metal head, I obviously greatly enjoyed the music but even if you do not like metal very much, the music certainly feels adequate for the game's outrageous, ultra-violent atmosphere.

Voice acting is also pretty good. Particularly the chemistry between Rick and the Terror Mask is awesome. The Mask really stokes Rick into killing as many monsters as he can, he knows that Rick enjoys the gore and mayhem as much as he does and he doesn't hesitate to remind Rick of that. And for everything Rick does or encounters, the Terror Mask always has a suitable response ready. Rip an enemy's head off and the Mask laughs that "he is getting head." When Rick loses an arm for the first time and screams like a baby, the Mask replies that "for a dick, he is such a pussy." Yeah, you got it, this game is certainly not made for kids. No, this is a game made for adults with a healthy taste for blood, B-movie entertainment and boobs. Like me.

The Bad
The game has very long loading times, no matter if you just started a level or had to restart because you died, the loading times always remain atrociously long. There is some animation during the loading times, it is always a monster or two doing some moves, trying to scare you (which it doesn't). But really, such long loading times should be prohibited by law!

I also found the final boss and ending to be very lackluster. Basically, you do not fight the final boss, instead you just fight some minor enemies he sends at you while he watches from a distance. Eventually you do get to brutally finish him off but I really wished that it was a pure one-on-one, mano-a-mano fight, especially if you know what the final boss looks like. The ending is pretty much a cliffhanger, and I truly detest cliffhangers. I really wished that all games simply had a solid ending instead of just dragging the story on to another sequel (I am looking at you Assassin's Creed!).

The Bottom Line
Overall, I had a really good time playing Splatterhouse. I consider it a nice hidden gem from the previous generation of consoles. It is also nice to see a modern game that is not another FPS or psychological thriller or anything too serious or dramatic. Just simple entertainment. So show me some faith, trust me and buy this game should you find it on eBay or in any second hand game shelf.