Satoshi Kunsai
Reviews
E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial (Atari 2600)
By Satoshi Kunsai on April 19, 2003
Super Ghouls 'N Ghosts (SNES)
Now this is a game for a man!
The Good
Ahh, Super Ghouls 'N Ghosts...a game for big, burly, strong men! ^_^ Just kidding! Seriously though, this is one game that I can consider one for the hardcore freaks. You know the types: glassy eyes, twitchy fingers, can move their eyes like chameleons to see every last thing going on, and can beat this game...TWICE!!...on only ONE life! And on the HIGHEST difficulty! Why do I say that? Read on!
If you've been around the block enough times, you'll know that the Ghosts 'N Goblins series is one of the toughest, most notoriously hardest game series out there. You play the part of the brave knight Sir Arthur, who must save his beloved Princess PrinPrin from a bunch of evil ghouls, demons, and other rather unpleasent types. Arthur has one advantage: he's got one hell of an arm, or to put it in simpler terms, he can hurl his weapon at his foes. Anything from javelins, daggers, torches, axes, arrows, and what have you can be found and used against the undead denizens of this hellish world Arthur is in. But he also has one disadvantage! If any enemy or projectile hits him, he'll get knocked right out of his armor, leaving him clad in only heart-patterned boxers. Get hit a second time, and Arthur will be reduced to a pile of bones, a.k.a. dead. Sure, Arthur can double-jump, too, but that's not going to be enough! You've gotta use your wits to defeat some of these monsters, especially the HUGE bosses at the end of each stage (the nastiest of the nasty!) But Arthur can turn the tables if he can find a magically enhanced suit of armor, which will allow him to charge up his weapons and REALLY kick some demon arse!
So now that I've covered the gameplay, onto the graphics, sounds, and music. For a first-gen SNES title, the graphics were amazing! Sharp, creepy colors, fluid animations, and well-detailed backgrounds (and some snazzy Mode7 effects!) showed off to new SNES owner just what kind of power they had in that little gray box! The sounds were really cool (although I wish they had some cool pieces like maybe a zombie moan or two), and fitting, and the music? Let's say this: best remix of the GnG theme EVER, but every other piece deserves mention! Best GnG music EVER!
The Bad
Maybe one or two things. Here we go...
For one, this game is HARD. Not a little hard, but REALLY hard. And to make matters worse, you have to beat it TWICE to really beat it! You think I jest? Beat the final boss, and guess what PrinPrin says? THE WHOLE THING WAS AN ILLUSION!!! You've gotta beat it AGAIN!! And the second time around is TWICE (no, make that more like THRICE!!) as hard as before!! Heaven forbid you chose the Professional difficulty...
But you know what? If you can beat it twice, you are a real man (or woman!)
The Bottom Line
Wanted: Professional or hardcore freak gamers to play one incredibly hard, but way cool game. Must have twitchy fingers, patience, and a perchant for killing things that go bump in the night. Armor and weapons provided. Sign-up bonus: a princess for all the hard work. Call or apply in person. Please bring SNES (or GBA) on day of interview.
By Satoshi Kunsai on April 5, 2003
Mega Man Battle Network (Game Boy Advance)
Jack in! MegaMan.EXE! TRANSMIT!!!
The Good
Here it is. Capcom's gone and created a new Mega Man game...but MAN is it different! Yeah, there's a bad guy named Wily in it, and yes, there's a Roll in it, and we do see some familiar faces...but why is everything so...so...different?
Simple...because this isn't quite what you had in mind! MegaMan Battle Network took Capcom's classic Mega Man and truly reworked him for the 21st century! So what's it all about? Simple. The future has come, and the Internet has become a big part of life. People everywhere access the Internet through whatever...TVs, computers...hell, even your stove! And to help when you're on the road, there's the PET (Personal Exploration Terminal): a hand-held PDA, cell phone, e-mail station, and computer all wrapped up in one package. Our hero, a young boy named Netto Hikari (Lan in the U.S. version), has a PET of course, equipped with an A.I./A-Life program named MegaMan.EXE, who is a highly skilled Virus Buster and all-around good friend of Netto's. And together, these two will stop the threat of the sinister WWW (World Three), led by the evil hacker Dr. Wily.
So now that the intro's over, I'll let you know about the gameplay. Many people say that the game plays like an RPG, but they're only sort of correct. You do have dungeons and treasure boxes (here called "Mystery Data"), and you do encounter enemies in the dungeons, but that's where the similarities end. The battle system works as follows: When MegaMan encounters enemies in the Net, he'll battle them. When a battle starts, a menu appears showing your Battle Chips. Battle Chips are your weapons, and come in 175 different types (shades of Pokémon abound! ^_^), ranging from cannons to swords to special Navi summon chips which call other people's Navis in to help MegaMan in a bind. At the start of any "turn", you can choose up to 5 Chips to use in battle, as long as either: A) they are of the same type (e.g. maybe 3 Cannons), or B) they are of the same code (e.g. MCannon "C" and MiniBomb "C"). If you choose to, you can add more Chip Data, but forfeit a turn of using chips. If you add more data, however, the next turn will present you with 10 chips, and you can even add more for a total of 15. MegaMan also has a Buster cannon, which is fast but weak until you power him up. The battles range in difficulty from either complete pushovers (Metools, for instance) to hair-yanking hard (most Navi bosses). And as a final addition, only MegaMan fights battles; Netto's only problem is sending him into the Net and getting to places to help MegaMan out. Thankfully, at times Netto's friends will help him out, whether it be his childhood sweetie Meiru, class rival Dekao, the precocious genius Yaito, or shady Enzan, he's never alone!
As for graphics, sounds, and music: the graphics and animation are both quite sensational for an early GBA game, with clean, sharp colors and crisp animations abound. Even the most insignifigant things animate with such fluidity and finesse that I was shocked it all fit into a tiny cartridge! The sounds are quite fitting (except that MegaMan's buster cannon sounds just a BIT squeaky), and the music is at least adequate: nothing stands way too out at me, but there's one piece that I really thought was cool, and that's the Boss theme.
The Bad
One problem I have is that once in a while, you may be caught completely off guard in a heated battle and be summarily wiped right out without warning. Heaven knows just how many times Navis like SharkMan.EXE and MagicMan.EXE had me ticked off to no end.
Also, I was shocked that everything was so well animated except for Roll's attacks...talk about MINIMAL!! ><
The Bottom Line
Wanna try a different Mega Man game? Love card battle games? Or are you just an insane, hardcore otaku who SWEARS by every Japanese game made? Get yer cash out; you're gettin' a copy! ^^
And as Masa would say, "Ya can't win a battle without taking your calcium!" ^_^
By Satoshi Kunsai on March 9, 2003
Nitemare-3D (Windows 3.x)
By Satoshi Kunsai on August 17, 2002
Nitemare-3D (DOS)
Is this a game or a sick joke?
The Good
Ummm....besides the fact that I was able to delete the game? Nothing, really.
The Bad
Everything about it! I've never seen such a sad excuse for a game in my life!
Ok, seriously...WHAT WAS THIS GUY THINKING?? The whole entire game is a waste of time and programming! It's besides the fact that this was made in 1994, but to have an engine that even Wolfenstein 3D (a 1992 game) surpasses in terms of speed and functionality? What is that!? And now to add insult to injury: if this is a haunted house, then why is it these "monsters" have got to be the SADDEST bunch of low-lifes I've ever seen? Their animation is an abomination, their designs are horribly childish, and they don't scare me...in fact, I laugh and mock them when I see them come out! All of the rest of the graphics are terrible, and can I ask WHY the monsters don't turn, run backwards, or even walk to the side properly?
And don't think I've stopped there! There's also the matter of sounds, music, and gameplay. Here's the gameplay side: bad child's version of Wolf3D. The "creep" function is totally non-essential and WAY too slow. The clue are too obvious for the puzzles, and the maps are about as tough as breaking an eggshell by smashing it with your fist. The monsters also sometimes do way, WAY too much damage with their attacks, and I hated that grabbing another of one particular weapon always reset the ammo for it to 50!! ARRRRGH!! Plus, the bosses are just plain dumb. You can literally kill them with your eyes shut, both of your arms broken in three different places, and your entire right hand non-functioning because your right arm being broken in three different places paralyzed your whole damn arm. Forgive the Dennis Miller-esque rant, but I had to get that off my chest. In short: SUCKY GAMEPLAY!!
Sound and music? Real simple and to the point: get out a large soup spoon and gouge your ears off, then tape up the holes. It's much more enjoyable than that pathetic music score that can drive anyone to near suicide.
And just for special mention: Hugo looks like a little monkey boy in this game. No, really! He does! Take a closer look!
The Bottom Line
After seeing this, anyone will feel glad that there are GOOD 3D shooters out there. Ones that are much better than this pile of dog poo. Avoid this game at all costs possible unless you happen to be into things like scarification, self-mutilation, or are a masochist.
By Satoshi Kunsai on August 17, 2002
Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation (Dreamcast)
By Satoshi Kunsai on June 17, 2002
Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation (PlayStation)
By Satoshi Kunsai on June 17, 2002
Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation (Windows)
By Satoshi Kunsai on June 17, 2002
Bubble Bobble (DOS)
Burstin' lotsa bubbles and lookin' damn good doin' it!
The Good
Bubble Bobble...I LOVE this game to absolute pieces. I first encountered this back when the arcade game had come out, and then later on when it hit the shelves, I received this for Christmas one year for my (then) shiny new 286 PC.
I fell even more in love with the game when I got it at home.
In a cute little intro, you see your main characters; two little dinosaurs named Bub and Bob (or if you play the Japanese version, Bubby and Bobby), as they are about to take a fascinating journey through a world filled with monsters. Their weapons? Bubbles. Yes, that's right...these pudgy little dinos spit bubbles at their enemies. But they're not any ordinary bubbles! These bubbles can encase their enemies, rendering them helpless. Once an enemy is trapped, they can pop the bubble, sending their hapless foes flying and bringing forth a TON of treasures, including lots and lots of food, diamonds for tons of points, and Power-Ups, including Sneakers (faster running), Candies to enhance your bubbles, and the almighty Parasol to send you flying past a few levels! Even though the game may seem simple, just play it for five minutes. After five minutes, you'll end up playing for five more minutes. Then ten. Then twenty. Then before you know it, you'll have been playing for hours, just wanting to burst more and more baddies. It's addictive as hell, and that just makes it all the more fun!
Now, as this is an arcade port, how did everything port over to the PC? Surprisingly well, actually! The graphics look great even with less colors (great compensation was used to get the graphics to look accurate in EGA), and the sounds and music are very close to the arcade. The music deserves a little special mention, as it was composed by Taito's in-house band, Zuntata. It's very cute and goes perfectly with the action of the game! Plus, the song is so catchy that it'll be with you for years on end, playing in your mind when you least expect it.
The Bad
It's Bubble Bobble, dammit! You do not question Bubble Bobble! ^_^
The Bottom Line
Bubble Bobble, even now, is still so damn playable and fun that I'd gladly tell anyone to grab it if they can find it. Plus, Taito had also created a special compilation pack of the original Bubble Bobble and its sequel, Rainbow Islands, for Windows9x/NT and the PSX, meaning that there's just no excuse to miss out on Bubble Bobble now!
By Satoshi Kunsai on June 16, 2002
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fall of the Foot Clan (Game Boy)
Not exactly an award winner, but great to kill a half hour with.
The Good
Konami was one of the few companies that could make a decent game out of any major license. Naturally, back in the early 1990s, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were the great Behemoth of cartoon licenses (and I'll admit that yes, I was nuts about the series when I was a kid), with action figures, T-shirts, comic books, a TV series, and of course, video games. (I suppose I could go on about TMNT underwear and the like, but let's not.) So how does Konami's first Gameboy game featuring those four green dudes stack up? Let's find out.
The premise of this game is pretty much like any other TMNT game: April's been kidnapped, Shredder did it, go kick his butt, blah blah blah...I think Shredder's just looking for an excuse to get his butt kicked, that or he really doesn't have much better to do. So you choose your favorite turtle at the beginning of each stage, go and smack around a few Foot Soldiers, then fight a boss at the end of each stage. The bosses are the standard major enemies of the series: the mutant rhino soldier Rocksteady, warthog punk Bebop, the half-human half-fly Baxter Stockman, and of course Shredder and evil brain creature Krang and his android exoskeleton. The gameplay is standard beat-em-up fare, but everything dies in one hit. Once in a while, the action breaks for a little mini-game, where you can try to regain lost health. Speaking of health, each turtle can take 8 hits, but each one also counts as a "life", meaning when one turtle is defeated, you lose him for the rest of the game.
The graphics in this game look pretty good, with decently sized characters and detail. The game also doesn't move too quickly, which is a good thing, as the first generation Gameboys (this game came out soon after the Gameboy was introduced) had a nasty problem with screen blur sometimes, especially in side-scrolling action games. The sounds were pretty good, although some of them were rather high pitched and whiny sounding. Music is a mixed bag: my favorite tunes were Stage 2's music and Stage 3's music. There's the standard rendition of the TV show's theme song in the intro, of course, and reprises of it in some cutscenes. The rest are "take it or leave it" pieces of music.
The Bad
It's short...WAY too short. I can beat this game in a half hour. Also, animation of the enemies feels a bit limited, but then again this IS a first-generation Gameboy title we're talking about...
The Bottom Line
For a first-gen Gameboy game, it's a pretty good effort. Although really short, it's good to waste a half-hour with. Go for it if you're still into TMNT games, collecting them, or just want a quick Gameboy game for lunch breaks or whatever.
By Satoshi Kunsai on June 16, 2002
Jet Grind Radio (Dreamcast)
Bring in da tunes...bring in da tricks...JET SET RADIO IS IN DA HOUSE!!!
The Good
Sega's a company with a lot of guts; they'll release some of the wackiest and weirdest games ever known to man, and some may succeed, some may be cult classics, and some may fail. I don't know where Jet Set Radio ended up, but I do know this: tell me of any other game that mixes rollerblading, racing, action, and spraypainting. I'll bet no one can. Jet Set Radio is simply one of the coolest, most original, and all out quirkiest ideas Sega's ever come up with. I bought this out of sheer curiosity and ended up with one of my favorite Dreamcast games ever made. Let's move on and see how the game stacks up.
Well, first there's the whole story and premise: somewhere in Asia is a city called Tokyo-to (although it's really obvious that the game obviously is taking place in Tokyo, Japan), where several gangs roam the streets. In the district of Kogane-cho are the Poison Jam; in the district of Benten-cho are the Noise Tanks, and then in Shibuya-cho, we have the game's heroes (or good guys, if you insist): the GG's.In the center of it all is the pirate radio station Jet Set Radio, manned by funkmaster DJ Professor K, who is the man on the street who knows everything that goes on in Tokyo-to. He'll keep you informed during the game of the latest news from the street. But to continue on, someone invaded the GG's territory and tagged (or spraypainted) their graffiti somewhere in Shibuya-cho. Of course, since Shibuya-cho's the coolest section of Tokyo-to and the GG's aren't up to sharing, they have to defend their territory from rival gangs. But there's one more problem: the fuzz want to eliminate all the gangs to, as they say "make the streets safer", but it's just an excuse for them to throw everyone into jail for life. So now you've got several objectives: go and steal the other gangs' hangouts by tagging them with your own graffiti, and avoid the cops at any cost. So each level basically works like this: tag designated locations marked by arrows, avoid the cops as much as possible, and grind through the stages while performing some really wicked tricks.
If you're going to ask about stuff like "Well, I guess there are enemies and such, right?", then the answer is yes. You have rival gangs to deal with, the cops, Police Chief Onishima (a.k.a. "Shorty"), and later in the game a deadly group called the Golden Rhinos. The cops are pretty tough to deal with: they are all nuts, and love using tools of mass destruction. The worst of the lot is Onishima, who chases your characters and shoots rubber bullets at them. Thankfully, you can also tag Shorty and get him off your tail, as well as choppers, which crash when their windshields are sprayed. But if you thought the cops were bad, wait till you run into the Golden Rhinos...
The tag system is rather easy to use: when you come to any place that can be tagged, a thought bubble will appear over your character's head, meaning they're ready to tag. Tags come in several sizes: small graffiti, which takes only one blast of paint to tag; large graffiti, which takes 3 cans; and extra large, which can take up to 11 cans. Tagging larger graffiti requires several circle strokes with the analog stick, so keep your hands steady while tagging so you don't waste cans.
Controls are easy to handle. Tricks are done more or less automatically, so you don't have to worry about complicated button combos for them. The A button jumps, the R trigger makes you dash, and the L trigger controls camera angles and tagging. That's it!
Now, let's move on to graphics, sounds, and music. The graphics in this game are freakin' EXCELLENT!!! Everything is drawn and rendered using cel-shaded graphics, lending a VERY cool hand-drawn look to everything. Everyone and everything is drawn in really good detail, but still retaining the look of an anime of some kind. The sounds are also of amazing quality, with plenty of voice effects, lots of ambient sounds, and of course, the sounds of grinding and skating abound. As for the music...there's a TON of damn good music in JSR, ranging from rock to hip-hop, from dance to techno, and everything in between. Some of the best pieces include "Let Mom Sleep", "Yappie Feet", "Up-Set Attack", "Magical Girl", and the final boss theme, "Grace and Glory". So why doesn't someone tell me where a JSR soundtrack CD can be bought so I can buy the damn thing already? ^_^
The Bad
Combining the camera and tag functions into one button is a pain in the ass sometimes, and a few of the selectable characters are kinda worthless. Your best bets are to use Beat, Tab, Garam, Combo, and Cube for main stages, Mew for speed stages, and Gum for some of the rival stages.
Also, seeing its sequel on the Xbox and not on the 'Cast or PS2 is a bit disheartening...>_<...guess that means ANOTHER system to buy...
The Bottom Line
For game-starved Dreamcast owners, this is a definite must-have. It's original as hell, and a LOT of fun to boot.
JET SET RADIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
By Satoshi Kunsai on June 11, 2002
Ninja Gaiden II: The Dark Sword of Chaos (DOS)
A horrible, disgusting disgrace to the Ninja Gaiden legacy and the NES original.
The Good
You can play the NES version of Ninja Gaiden II instead.
The Bad
This port did almost NOTHING right compared to the NES original. The game speed is extremely unstable and horribly choppy, the collision detection seems to make enemies hurt you when you're about 5 pixels away from them (I think maybe that's just me), and the controls on a keyboard stink...it's impossible to be able to jump, attack, and move with the speed and fluidity this game demands.
To top it off, the graphics converted over terribly. The new VGA coloration doesn't make things in this game look better...they look worse!! Whoever chose the color palettes must've been color blind or something, because I REALLY don't think that Ryu wore orange in the NES version, and I don't even think that anything looks the right color here. Plus, the animation in this version is an abomination...the NES, for being a machine with less horsepower, less colors on screen, and a LOT less memory than a PC, performed MUCH better in providing fluid-looking animation! Even worse, the in-game cutscenes, which in the NES version had surpassed the ones in the first Ninja Gaiden by a longshot, look horrible and almost like a first-time artist redid them. It's a shame what they did.
I could never get the sound effects to work, so I can't rant about them. The music, however...whoever was responsible for porting the music must've been tone-deaf, because I think he BUTCHERED, not PORTED, the awesome NES tunes over.
The Bottom Line
This is a disgraceful slap in the face of Ninja Gaiden. Play the NES version of Ninja Gaiden II instead.
By Satoshi Kunsai on June 10, 2002
Extreme Paintbrawl (Windows)
By Satoshi Kunsai on June 9, 2002