Mercenaries 2: World in Flames

The Good
Well before I get into ripping this game let's look at a few positives of this train wreck of a game. First off is the similar gameplay to the original, in fact it almost seems identical, same controls, graphics even the same cheat codes still exist. Now for some that might be a bad thing, but for a game that had very little expectations of being a mediocre game, at least you have same feel from the original.

The voices are actually well done to, especially Mattias who cracks me up every time, he reminds if someone mixed Sylvester Stallone with Clint Eastwood and got a super soldier mixed with Rambo and Dirty Harry. There are also nice new cutscenes in between the main missions that actually add to the game, something the original didn't have, and I have to admit they are beautifully done, very vibrant, smooth. The lip sync is off a bit, but it doesn't detract from the overall feel of it.

The Bad
Well, here we get to the meat of this game, which is sad. First off is the glitches that are very very rampant in this game: disappearing landscapes, invisible cars and enemies, freezes (which has never happened to me on the original game) and even the dreaded looping machine gun that has happened quite a few times with me.

There is also a bad glitch along with a stupid new feature which I think should not have been included. In this game you can't kill civilians, you can shoot them, but they just won't die plus you get penalized. If that is the case, just remove the damn civilians. I can understand since they did not want to send a message of killing innocent Venezulan's, but if that is the case, just remove them. Additionally there is a bad glitch that involves this.

While goofing off I called in an air strike while in one of the large cities in the game with a huge skyscraper and when it hit it looked like a giant piece of foam just got ripped off instead of shredded debris. Well out of nowhere I notice I'm getting penalized so I just assumed that it was some civilians that got hit, but it kept on going and going and going. Curious I tried to find out what it was and here was a civilian trapped under this huge chunk of building that was bouncing off of another building, bounding up in the air a bit and hitting the civilian again in a never ending cycle. Needless to say I had to reset the game. To me that just shows how bad the physics of this game truly can be.

Even though the voice acting is great, it would be nice to have the in-game NPCs with a variety of voices, instead you are actually treated to the stereotypical Revolutionary who calls every pig-dogs, the A.N. (which feels more like the U.S. Army) that for some reason has hired Californian surfers, Chinese impersonators (it actual sounds like they have regular people trying to imitate bad American trying to imitate Chinese voices) instead of using actual CHINESE people!!!) and Rastafarian Jamaican pirates. Truly a bevy of diversity.

Additionally some of the vehicles noises are kinda annoying such as tanks that just sounds like they are grinding over and over and some of the weirdest water sound effects I have ever heard. It almost sounds like someone put a microphone near a kiddie pool. Which reminds me, they have added jet skis to the game, which is a nice touch, but when your character gets on them, it looks like a fat 12 year old kid trying to get on one of those coin operated horses you see outside of supermarkets.

Another weird thing I notice is your air strike plane (the F-22 Raptor) that drops your payload on your unsuspecting targets. Now I know the F-22 is a stealth fighter, but damn, there is no sound to this one (which reminds me I miss the constant sounds of planes buzzing overhead from the original, which really stands out here since there is none). It is virtually silent, now I don't know if the programmers forgot to add the sound or just didn't care, but it is very annoying.

Incidentally, this led me to two more problems, when I called in an air strike, the F-22 Raptor literally flew through a building...just flew right through it like it wasn't even there, what the hell? Also, the cluster bombs in this game suck bad and I mean BAD!!!. While the original game had the bomb spread apart in the air to carpet the area, this damn thing actually hits the ground first, shooting bombs up in the air and completely misses everything around the initial explosion. Another crappy feature that this game has to offer, yet again.

Loading is very annoying as well along with something that baffled me. While on a mission you have to hijack a truck, well when I finally got the truck stopped I went to get in and the screen went dim for a second. Low and behold, it was a brief loading screen, probably for three to four seconds, but still a loading screen...TO HIJACK A TRUCK!!!. Here is a game that can cover the entire map without having to stop once, but you get a loading screen to hijack a truck?

The ally AI is the most stupidest I have ever seen in a game. For example, while cruising around the map, I wanted to make a few extra bucks by taking out some VZ vehicles and noticed some explosions. When I arrive, the A.N. and the Chinese are fighting and while I am watching the spectacle, Jamaican pirates nearby decide to join the fight followed by the Rebel forces. So here I am watching a four way fight, laughing and thinking how cool this is when I notice tracers below and behind my chopper, turning I notice VZ soldiers coming to fight, so I turn around and fire upon them, expecting cash and some reputation points. After I am done I get gunfire hitting me from behind, I turn and its the A.N., Chinese, Jamaicans and Rebels shooting at me. For what I have no idea, but this can happen from time to time, hell I've been shot at before for nothing, even if I am on good terms with the faction and driving their own vehicle. It baffles me why they do this from time to time.

Another little incident that combines both physics and bad ally AI is a mission where you work for the Chinese and use a chopper to airlift stolen tanker trucks back to their base. Sadly, the only good chopper in the game that can be used is a VZ transport ship, so I steal one and begin the mission. On my way back I keep hitting the horn to keep myself know to the Chinese that I'm not VZ and I had a anti-air missile still lock onto me and fire. Now before I get to this little punchline, beforehand I had trouble with the chopper and the trucks, it's almost like I was picking up a tank with this transport, I constantly had to keep the chopper up and keep it from being dragged. Well when the missile fired, I tried to swerve to the left and for the whole time that truck laid there like a brick, it suddenly comes to life, swings upwards like a feather and get hits by the missile, explodes and ends the mission. At this point, I'm actually starting to go bald from ripping out my hair through frustration.

Finally, the most worst thing is the lack of the black market in this game. This time around you have to go to different contacts, complete missions to unlock more air strikes, vehicles and weapons. Now this sounds cool right?...wrong! The problem is you have to literally buy in bulk, because once you run out, you have to go back to the contact over and over and instead of selecting multiple quantities at once, you have to buy them one at a time (an annoying inconvenience). Also, if you are on bad terms with their factions, you can buy anything else until you get back on their good side and the only way to do this is to kill enemies in their presence which can take forever to get that perfect moment. To me this kills the old "pick up and play, have fun and blow up stuff" that the original game had, now it's more strategic and annoying, sucking the fun and ruining the idea of mindless destruction.

The Bottom Line
WHEW!!!! Yes, I know I really bad-mouthed this game, but it is really that much of a wreck. Now before you think it, yes I do realize that this game was technically not going to be that good and was going to be nothing more than the original game with new stuff. Actually, I was expecting it and that is the very bad part. It's one thing to screw up a sequel, but to take a carbon copy of a game, take out all the fun features and make it worse, now that is a new level of stupidity.

Electronic Arts took one hell of a game and turned it into a bad joke. They should stick to making redundant sports games instead of taking potentially great games and throwing them down the toilet. Yes, the next-gen versions were better (according to a few people I know, not that much), this game had the potential of being one last great send-off when the PS2 eventually is retired, instead it feels more like a goodbye fart.

Truthfully, this game is a true train wreck in every sense of the word. I never got any joy from this game, I was constantly frustrated and actual found myself going back to the first game instead. This wasn't a game to me, instead its an example of $40 gone to waste. I see this game as a poster child, where you see posters saying "Say No to Drugs", this one would say "Say No to Crappy Ass Games". Sadly, I didn't say no and didn't rent it first, but if you want my honest opinion, skip it, don't rent it, hell if you get this thing for free throw it away, cause you won't be able to sell it.

Truly this is a game that defines crappiness in every sense of the word, now if you don't mind, I need to find a hammer, some lighter fluid and a toilet, because I'm about to get rid of a pimple of the ass of video game humanity.