NHL 10

The Good
If you asked a soulless computer to program you the best hockey simulation possible given current technology, it would come out with a 'game' similar to this dry, pointless release. And I use the term 'game' loosely -- it's more punishment than enjoyment to play this ghastly little project.

The Bad
A game playtested by other computers instead of human beings -- this is on display when you fire this pitiful little disc up. The total disregard for a player's experience is quite astonishing. I have a great litany of complaints so let's start with the most profound and immediate:

1. Face-offs are practically impossible to win. I have been in that elusive state when winning 60% is possible, but I cannot stress elusive strongly enough. Sitting down for a casual game, it's just one frustrating loss after another.

2. Taking the puck away from the other team is practically impossible. The programmers at EA are apparently unfamiliar with 'fuzzy logic', because there is a vanishingly small chance that anything you do will result in a turnover. The AI simply calculates everything to a nicety and does whatever it takes to ensure every effort amounts to naught.

3. When the computer decides to score, it scores. Again, nothing can be done. It just passes passes passes until an opportunity arises and then boom, it's in. This has been a notorious feature of the NHL series for as long as I can remember. Again, fuzzy logic could have made this a fair experience. Up the AI a little when they feel like scoring, but don't make it absolutely infallible! It's as if EA and their playtesters are either misanthropes or masochists. Something is amiss in Burnaby, whatever the case.

4. Critical options are missing. Sick of seeing two replays after every stoppage in play? Sorry, you have to manually skip through them every time. Don't want to have hints popping up while you play on Rookie mode? Sorry, they can't be disabled. They are useless in the first place because if you pause the game to read them, they disappear. Another astoundingly bad design choice comes whenever there is a stoppage in play. While the previous version, NHL 09, brought you to the ensuing faceoff promptly, now you have to wait at least five seconds. Moreover, any violence during this period drags out the wait even longer. Just shooting on net becomes a horrible decision if the goalie decides to freeze the puck because it's 15 seconds of waiting before you lose the next faceoff.

5. Scoring a goal is horrendously difficult. First off, passing is completely and utterly useless. Unless there is a totally clear passing lane, everything you try will end up on the opposition's stick. I cannot overemphasize just how ridiculous this is. Passing is the cornerstone of hockey, but now it borders on being irrelevant. So the natural inclination is to try and fake out the defenders with a single heroic effort. Yeah right. Superstars can get the odd goal here and there, but the usual result is that three or four players clog up every possible path you have. Even if you manage to weave in between them, they'll clutch, grab, and shove you so that you are unable to get a shot off. And no penalties will be called either.
   
   The Bottom Line
   This is a truly ghastly game. The high quality presentation belies a rotten, soulless core that ends up frustrating you beyond belief. I know better than to buy anything from EA but my younger brother does not. Still, I gave this one a try, two tries, ten tries, but every time I think I've got a new angle that might just work, the game just ends up infuriating me all the more. Moreover, online play is even worse, being populated with the worst sorts of brats in existence. I don't even want to get into it, but I'm sure you're familiar with the amazingly uncivilized trash that makes up the XBox Live population.