Astrotit (DOS)

Astrotit DOS Title screen


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100 point score based on reviews from various critics.
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Setting the scene for a shoot-'em-up game is always a stiff proposition and never anywhere more so than here: due to hitherto unknown properties of hamster urine leeching into the water supply, humanity is rendered telepathic and besieged by enormous symbols of repressed desire and Freudian hang-ups.

Proving once again that nothing is less sexy than a sexuality-themed video game, this crude premise is intended to explain why you, the player, are in charge of eliminating an army of "Bouncing Birth-Control Pills", "Bibles (Straight from the South)", "AIDS Virii" (a cutting-edge inclusion at the game's release), and, yes, the eponymous lactating "Astro Tits", with the assistance of a (chew on this, Zombie Nation) ghoulishly disembodied phallus. (Yes, by shooting wriggling spermatozoa (with eyes!) into them.) All in front of stunning 4-colour CGA renditions of Moon Patrol-style sci-fi lunar landscapes!


Astrotit DOS Bibles and Breasts on a backdrop of the Milky Way.  Almost sounds like a Dali painting.
Astrotit DOS Instructions and controls
Astrotit DOS Title screen
Astrotit DOS Level 2 offers more of the same with a minor change of locale

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Apparently the hamster connection is inspired by an '80s urban legend involving actor Richard Gere.


For the discerning video game connoisseur prepared to flaunt their tastelessness to the world, this game featured a crosspromotional T-shirt tie-in, with a Rudeware logo on the back and one of the Astro Tits on the front, shooting a squirt of milk in all its pixelated glory. At $10, it only ran you two dollars more than Infocom's "I got the babel fish!" t-shirt, and, we like to think, revealed a great deal more about the wearer.

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Pseudo_Intellectual (45149) added Astrotit (DOS) on May 30, 2005