Oppai Slider 2

The Good
Oppai Slider 2 is truly a watershed event for a hentai game, much more so because it isn't a video game; it's the best porn you could ever hope to experience in front of your computer. Remember the first time you looked at porn? All those funny feelings you had? How you thought you were doing something so evil that god would kill you right then and there? That's this game. This is the best porn because you can't believe you're experiencing this before you.

Oppai Slider 2 is made by the Japanese rape think-tank Illusion, creators of such modern perverse smut as A-GA, Battleraper, Rapelay, Artificial Girl and Sexy Beach 3 (with ahem reviews of those to come). Basically it works as a seduction sim where you can play out a story in three scenarios; a nurse in a small hospital room, a girl in a sailor suit in an indoor pool and a "French Maid" in a wooden shack with every scene devoid of any other NPC (except when another opening comes up..). All the stories begin with the object of your affection (or even more to the point, your object) being fully dressed and obstinate to your whims; as it progresses she loses clothing and becomes completely open to whatever you want to do with her.

The game is structured like a flow-chart that is accessible in-game; from the starting point you can see all the various branches of the story and what choices you can make and when. That means you can play it through about a dozen or so times and have a different story. Besides upping the replay value, that means at any given point your game can go 2 or 3 ways; if none of those options is any ending, you just keep going with the game. So that means it's not as Unicorn B Lynx states: "if you annoy the girl the game ends". Certainly at some points if you do annoy her and one of the choices is the end of the game, well then that can happen. However, if her choices don't include saying no to you, then you can do pretty much anything...

The story is told from the dialogue of "the young miss" and your avatar and acted out from your intimate encounters. And here is where this game breaks the mold to be the watershed event that it is: the player never participates in any dialogue choices because the porn part of this game is the game play.

Please allow me to bone up on my illustration. Porn games of the past have followed this old formula (as do older Illusion games like A-GA, DBVR and the recent Battleraper). Games like Strip poker and Strip Qix (the game it was always meant to be) would reward the player with porn if they did something right. Beat the house, beat the boss.. and then you can beat the meat.

I would never call the blokes at Illusion "geniuses" but Oppai Slider 2 is a genius game because the porn IS the game play. What was once just the end has now become the means and the end. In some dating sim if you didn't know this NPC likes yellow roses then you lose; conversely, in Oppai Slider 2 if you don't figure out she likes it rough and up the pooper then you can't continue with the story. You don't have to mess around with getting other in-game goals accomplished, you just straight the action.

That means this product has no trappings of a game. If you were to imply that it's enjoyment and entertainment you get out of a box (if you paid for it), then yes, it's a game, the same way a cup attached to a ball with a string is a game the same way as World of Warcraft or Quake IV is the same. It's a diversion anyway you look at it.

But this is specifically designed to stimulate you. Nothing else is important to the design of the game except this. That's why stories don't matter in porn, the same reason porn flicks don't have good acting (besides all the smiling after shooting the money) or win Academy awards; because we want to the uglies in the gyno shot.. porn is nothing if it's not arousing.

In Pac-Man when you eat all the pellets in the maze to move on to the next one you get a sense of satisfaction, right? Porn doesn't give you this satisfaction; that's something you must alleviate using your own joypad. Therefore, when you have this stimulating and arousing porn gameplay that never satisfies, you have a "game" with no point but to sustain this feeling of satisfaction that will never come... then that's good porn.

The illusion that is the most seductive in Oppai Slider 2 is the illusion of control. That's what makes this piece of smut so dangerous and attractive: because while you do interact with them in virtual sex it's the illusion that you have these girls completely under your control. This is shown not only by the unwavering restraint your sex dolls (no, not a pun, honestly what the game treats these characters as) have at tolerating the sexual abuse you hurl at them, but at the fresh concept that while there is a dialogue, you never participate in it. Instead you decide where the story goes by your actions, like removing a piece of clothing or putting a Y into a X and hokey-pokeying. The NPC's compliance to to forceful blunt actions is intoxicating. Sex isn't the biggest part of fantasy; it's power.

Did I mention the ladies look good? Awful good. Illusion spent a lot of effort into achieving this; at 2.95 gigs Oppai Slider 2 is a game file bigger than Jade Empire or Quake IV on my hard drive. While Jade Empire has thousands of lines of dialogue and Quake IV has amazing rendered textures and lighting effects, Oppai Slider 2 just uses its resources to flesh out three characters. The more you think about it the more your fleshy head will explode.

The Bad
Oppai Slider 2 reminds me that I'm a bad, bad man. When I'm playing Katamari Damacy I don't feel this way!

This piece of smut completely objectifies women. Women are passive dolls that completely do the bidding of the player. Unless there is a story choice that allows them to say no (which doesn't happen very often), then you can do anything to her. I'll capitalize that for you: ANYTHING. Fortunately for you, the fellows at Illusion are much more perverted than you and have thought it all up, so in playing this you will be shocked.

However, the filthier the smut, the better the porn. I'm not writing this because I have a problem with this; I'm writing this because I realize I should. This game is a breaker of morals. After I realized what it is I paused, admonished at my audacity, and then kept going.

As this is a Japanese game and I don't speak any Japanese, the learning curve was very high. I could only figure out the story sometimes. Actually, that adds to the kink part of things. Through this game I am able to seduce a woman without ever having to speak her language? I am a god! What's that.. Brad who?

The Bottom Line
Don't play this game; you'll never become president or win the Nobel prize otherwise.

This "game" will make you a better person by rejecting it or corrupt you into a filthy pervert. With today's advancing technology in skin textures, hair, and collision detection (collide! resolve! collide! resolve!), in no time flat we'll be having photo realistic playthings at our disposal (for better or worse).

Again, this is the best porn imaginable, even better than any skinema Spielberg and Michael Bay ever could dream up, even if giant battling robots were anatomically correct.

I predict the end of mom-and-pop home gonzo digital video porn age that has plagued the last decade; no one is going to rent some high contrast low budget spectacle starring your grocer's submissive pony-play uncle anymore. 5 years from now the whole world will be playing "World of Porncraft". Just think it: the Wow addiction afflicting the world, add hyper-realistic breast physics, photo realistic people, an MMORG setting free from any physical jurisdiction... I don't want to think about it.

Honestly, I hope it doesn't happen but you know, porn is bigger than all of us.