Crazy Taxi

The Good
Crazy Taxi is one of those simple action games that takes a basic, easy to learn premise and fleshes it out into a funny and addictive (for a while anyway) game by keeping it all simple.

I guess you could call the game a driving game at heart, an EXTREMELY arcade driving game, where the objective is to outlast a timer by picking up customers and taking them across the city towards their destination for money and extra seconds. If you've played the GTA3 Taxi missions then you know what I'm talking about, you approach a character with a $ sign on his head, stop in a clearly marked "pick-up radius" and head on to whatever destination he/she wants to, following an arrow-compass. That's it. Of course, what makes Crazi Taxi Crazi Taxi is that the seemingly simple gameplay premise is jacked-up to much faster and frenetic levels, with heavier traffic, a much tighter time limit, faster vehicles (and a closer camera view that makes the sense of speed even greater) and a much wilder terrain with jump-friendly areas practically on every street and with even a set of "special moves" that make the already cartoonish physics a complete joke by basically adding the possibility to perform impossibly tight turns and "dashing" forward with your car (yeah, you read that right). The "course" for the game is a gigantic virtual city with it's collection of shortcuts and varied landmarks that include winding San Francisco-like hills, beaches, residential areas, comercial plazas, etc. and to be honest it's a pretty amazing sight. A sunny coastal city fully rendered and fully populated with all sorts of vehicles and persons.

The PC version also comes with a set of extras ported over from the DC version, and those include an extra city for when you get bored with the original one and which is more of a metropolis-like city than the original touristy one, a selection of arcade or time-locked modes (where you can't earn extra seconds and basically play to see how much money you can get in X minutes), and a series of challenges that are single-area scenarios that basically revolve around you mastering the varied special moves and making all sort of jumps, dashes, etc.

The graphics mantain the same texture detail and effects (or lack of, really) as in the original, but the PC version allows you to adjust the resolution to stratospheric levels and provides a good, albeit dated, visual quality.

The Bad
Regardless of the added areas and challenges, the longevity of the game is basically nule. Sure, in the arcades it seemed as if the game always left you wanting more, but once you have it with you on a permanent basis the game just dies out on you, and does so because of two major reasons:

First, the gameplay is really nothing deep. After all, It's just a little, dumb, arcade racer, and I take the "racer" with many reservations. Quite frankly this game has the most flat-out ridiculous physics model I've ever seen on a game like this. Sure arcade racers aren't known for their realism and that's ok since you don't want to play a sim, however this time it's just incredible! You don't drive car, you control a...."thing" that appears to slide over the ground following your controller input and ignoring anything that gets in it's way and such nuances as the speed and direction that it was moving on. You can take 90-degree curves as if on rails, ram head on against oncoming trucks and send THEM flying, accelerate from 0 to 100 in a nanosecond, even drive underwater and wave goodbye to the passing whales!! (No, I'm not making that up), suffice to say that even Twisted Metal has a more realistic driving model. And while you may think that makes the game what it is and that I'm a fool for even bringing it up, you should know that's one of the main reasons the game becomes so boring after a while... after all you just jam your finger on the accelerate button and just go to wherever the arrow points at, there is no difference in any of the available taxis (except for a little shift in mass that comes in handy when crashing against other vehicles) and there's no challenge at all to the game. Plus there are the usual arcade glitches that leave you scratching your head and cursing the arcade driving model, such as the nasty collision detection that somehow tends to "lock" your car to a wall if you crash into it at an angle (instead of bumping against it or just bouncing off it) forcing you to go in reverse and then leaving the "sticky" walls, or the unpredictable power-slides (when you want to slide, the car will turn as if on rails, and viceversa), etc. etc...

The other reason that will kill the game in no-time for most people with average sensibilities is that it's just the most annoying game on the face of the earth! Apparently SEGA took the "Crazy" moniker to heart and to speed the game up to even more frenetic levels gave each character and the announcer an infuriating bubbly "tee-hee" voice and stupid catchy phrases (all with "Crazy" somewhere) plus they signed 5 or so songs from The Offspring and some similar bands... That repeat over and over and over again... Result? It's teeny-bopper hell for anyone trying to play this game for more than 10 minutes, with an average session containing such wonderful moments as:

"-He-HEEEYY!! Hop on in!! - Hi! Take me to the Original Levi's Store!! (ka-chiiiiiing...)Tee-heee...!! - Let's Roll....like CRAZY!!!" ... Get Craaaaazy! Let's make some Craaaaazy Money!!!, WooooooHOOOO!! That was Craaaaaazy!!! Dude, That's the Craaaaaziest!! You are Craaaazy man!! CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY!!! AAARGH!!

And on top of all that insanity you have to listen to the popcorn teeny neo-punk crap of the Offspring!!! GOOD GOD!! This game makEs me wAnt to mURdER pEoplE!! JUST KILL EVERYBODY IN LITTLE PIECES WITH A MACHETE AND RIP OUT THEIR ORGANS WITH A CHAINSAW AAANDDDD.......uh.... well, er anyway, the game is just infuriating... it's the gaming equivalent of an annoying hyperactive 5-year old kid high on caffeine.

(And to clarify things, for me punk rock is spelled with a "Ramones" and a "Sex Pistols" or maybe a "NOFX" or a "Green Day" if you want to be more in tune with the times... NOT by ripping off the god damn Beatles!)

The Bottom Line
Simple concept, Good execution. That's it! Crazy Taxi is a nice diversion, but your average goldfish will outlive it's longevity. One of those games that once past the novelty fun just doesn't offer any meat to really chew on, and thus dies out in a matter of hours.

And please, Do NOT play this game if you have a Psychotic disorder of any kind! Consult with your therapist before installing!