Final Fantasy XIII

The Good
Graphically, Final Fantasy XIII is still relatively impressive in 2022 although noticeably aged in places. Parts of the soundtrack are great. When characters speak, their mouths move as they’re supposed to. None of that odd puppet like mouth movement from Final Fantasy X.

The Bad
Everything else about Final Fantasy XIII is awful. When the soundtrack isn’t good, it is absolute CRAP! Whose idea was it to have such vomit inducing lyrics in tracks like “we will find them, we will find them” in the Chocobo theme or “chasing rainbows“ in the Sunleth Waterscape theme?! If the tracks aren’t good or terrible they’re forgettable.

The characters are pitiful in Final Fantasy XIII. I didn’t like any of them. They’re all stupid and obnoxious stereotypical anime characters. The most annoying were Vanille and her orgasm sounds, ridiculous get up and how ultra feminine she was. Snow was just the typical headstrong and cocky hero type with the rare instance of showing any signs of an interesting character. Lightning was a frigid b****. Hope was the only character I found myself somewhat rooting for but he’s honestly just a very flat Tidus. The rest were forgettable.

The plot was terrible and made 0 sense and was ultra contrived. So contrived, Vanille caused it by accident. The storytelling was pathetic. Convoluted word salad and repeating information over and over isn’t storytelling. Neither is making players read information in the menu. The attempts at drama are lame and fall flat. To give an example, there’s a scene where Lightning turns her sister away because she’s a L’Cie, which is a person being controlled by the Gods, and she criticizes Snow for “popping the question knowing this". She says “Worst birthday ever” after her sister bursts out in tears and runs off. Are we supposed to like this woman Lightning?

The Bottom Line
An absolutely despicable game that has only gotten worse with age aside from certain things like its looks and should be avoided at all costs. It shouldn’t even be played in a so bad it’s good way. Unless you’re willing to flush 50 hours + of your time down the toilet and get practically nothing in exchange for your investment.