BloodRayne

The Good
MAT: "Welcome to Interactive Review(TM) for XBox version of BloodRayne game. Tonight in studio, just for you folks, yeah, Rayne. We'll mainly be talking about what she thinks of her role, and then if time spans overdue, we'll try to convince her to give us the number of her costume maker."
Rayne: (entering the studio, casual glance at the audience, and a luscious one at a host, Rayne approaches the seats at the center)
Rayne: "So, where do I sit down?"
MAT: "Well, this seat here is... mmm occupied, that one's for the badguys. The one on the left is for you. If you please."
Rayne: (sitting down the not so comfortable chair) "Well I do hope you're paying me handsomely for this, ya know."
MAT: "Yeah yeah, but let us start with pointing at good things now."
Rayne: "What good things?"
MAT: (puzzled) "Well... about the game, of course. For example, tell us what do you think of story for starters."
Rayne: "Well, it's not the story that takes the upper cake in this game, it's the one leading it."
MAT: "And, that would be you, right?"
Rayne: "No, I'm just following it. Badguys always get to lead the story. Hence why it didn't turn out so good."
MAT: "Please, do concentrate on good things here. We'll come to bad ones right after that. Start with anything you do find good in the game."
Rayne: "For example, there's a lot of action. They say I'm as good reason to make a movie out of it. Could catch a role there, as well. Anyway, so action is so filled with... well, gore. But it's all special effects, it's not like I kill anyone there... on purpose. Can't blame me for stopping to get a snack on occasion."
MAT: "Cool, cool, tell us what weapons and armor were you using? What was the feeling to have such a powerful arsenal at your disposal?"
Rayne: "That was a very neat thing indeed, it was like 20+ hand weapons, all fireguns of course, that I could pick up whenever encounter any. Or after killing the enemies such as zombies or nazis I could pick up their weapons as well. And on occasion, I can even crack some weapon crate to get some extras. But I gotta tell you, the bullets are spending way too easily."
MAT: "What, no unlimited ammo a la Solid Snake?"
Rayne: "Alas, no. He asked me the same thing last time I saw him."
MAT: "Saw who? Snake?"
Rayne: "Yeah, it's a small world. He did help me to pull off some rather gutsy moves up there on the screen."
MAT: "Yeah, your moves and abilities are rather impressive. Please, tell us more about it."
Rayne: "Well, high jumps, spinning in the air, being able to fall down to virtually any solid ground, yeah it sure comes in handy. But not as handy as my abilities, abilities such as slow-motion Max taught me was really helpful."
MAT: "Being as... creature of the night, could you even be harmed in the game?"
Rayne: "Regarding that my opponents were all kinda supernatural, quite easily. But I got sorta infinite source for replenishing my health. And I tell you, when I'm injured, I don't pick only good looking victims. Everything nearby is a potential prey."
MAT: "Huh, that's... well, I hope you don't kill too many innocents in the game then."
Rayne: "There are no innocents there, and that helps me focusing of course, since I don't have to take care of anything but myself out there on the field."
MAT: "So tell us, what did you think of level design? Did you enjoy all that swamp traveling?"
Rayne: "What kind of a question is that. Of course not, had to jump all the time as water is very hazardous to my health. But later when I started my hunt of nazi officers, there was less water and lots of skills to include. Action to the max, and being only half-human really helps building up my vitality."
MAT: "I must say I noticed some really neat cinematics there, were you there when they pre-rendered you or..."
Rayne: "Yes, I had to tell them to pay attention to my true form... you know, the butt, the breasts, the legs, and stuff."
MAT: "Boy, I sure am glad you were there to keep it up to the quality. And just for the last question since we're runnign out of time... who does your clothes?"
Rayne: "You like it?"
MAT: "I like it's so... fitting. Any chance you'll replace it with something else in a sequel? Perhaps changing it throughout different levels."
Rayne: "Well, stay tuned, you never know. But if they're willing to pay some more... I may just be willing to take some more off."
MAT: "Judging by the audience and how they're grabbing their wallets, I think this just might be a booster up for the next game. I mean, if Lara could do it, so can you Rayne."
Rayne: (giving him a bad look) "You compare me with some cheap excuse of a tomb raider? You should see me raiding tombs."
MAT: "I... uhh... err, I didn't mean that way. Well, I... that's all folks."

The Bad
MAT: "We're now somewhere in a deep dark german castle, searching for Wulf, the supreme commander of whatever is representing badguys in this game." (some more walking further) "Ah, there he is. Luckily, he has no idea his soldiers will do almost anything for free pack of cigarettes, so navigation in was easily done."
Wulf: "Who, what in the name are you doing here?"
MAT: "Err... me? You know me?"
Wulf: "Jawohl. Rayne told me you will be visiting me. Something about bad elements of this game."
MAT: "Well, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way..."
Wulf: "That's alright. I am the bad element here. Not proud of it, but someone's gotta do the role, and to tell you the truth, they pay me almost as much as her... though I most probably won't appear in the sequel."
MAT: "Just to ask a few questions that loyal fans told me to if you don't mind."
Wulf: "Nein, nein. Everything for the fans. Just ask, mein freund. But be quick, as I am due to launch full scale attack any moment now."
MAT: "Okay, yes, just to find my papers... where are the... rats... crap... ah, here they are. Okay, first one we have a fan from Transylvania asking what size of bra are you wearing."
Wulf: "!?"
MAT: "!? Ooops, sorry. This one was for Rayne. Here goes. A fan from Austria asking why is there no noticeable background music throughout the game. Or even as a main theme?"
Wulf: "Well, I come from a country with great composers, so that too was a shock after I saw the tracks that will be used in the game. And I can only hope it will be better in the sequel. This one wasn't even enough to boost up the atmosphere."
MAT: "Alright, next question. Carlotta, a fan from Germany."
Wulf: "I like her already. Nice to see some home folks playing this game."
MAT: "Yeah, I get you. But you may not like the question here. She asks why do you have to be so tough to defeat. Says all the other boss battles are somewhat passable, but final boss battle is really hard to play unless you cheat. Why so?"
Wulf: "It was about time badguys get the upper edge on something. And if you look closely, soldiers really do not present any kind of serious threat for Rayne. Likewise, she doesn't present any kind of threat to me. However, due to scenario, I had to stall and eventually let her win."
Fritz: (who just came in) "Herr Wolf, we are told to launch an attack. Shall we wait?"
Wulf: "It's Wulf, not Wolf, how many times do I have to tell you? I will come very shortly, do not attack until I come."
Fritz: "Yessir."
MAT: "Okay, here's one more then. A fan from Casablanca asking why does Rayne look so much better polygon-wise than you guys."
Wulf: "Well, it's not the polygon number that makes her good, she's close with the director hence why. Those blasted game developer, never give a second thought for a nemesis. I am perfectly fine with my 1700 polygons, but I am supposed to be bad, so they didn't want me to look good."
MAT: "Yeah, you never know who's close to whom. Thanks Wulf, it was nice talking to you, now go kick her butt, and for me too."
Rayne: (showing at the door) "Traitorous dog!"
MAT: "Who, me? I was just... no. Nooooo!!!"

The Bottom Line
Wulf: "And I get to say the last word, folks. Your host is currently with Rayne... not sure about his condition though. But with weasels like him, you never know how it may turn out. So, if I am to ask, I'd tell you to buy a sequel only if I am in it. No really, this is a fine action game with lost of blood all over it... just check the name. The forces of evil are afoot, and Rayne might've been able to stop us once, but try playing without cheat codes, then it's up to the real challenge. But really, this is one-nigher only, it is addictive as it comes to gameplay, but doesn't offer pretty much anything else. Hope that movie will look better, 'cos I've got a bad feeling about the sequel, with me missing and all that. G'night folks, and sign a petition for the release of BloodWulf."